🔥 This Is Not Headline News – July 3, 2025

🗓️ The World’s Spinning Too Fast. Literally.

According to actual scientists, Earth is speeding up.

July 9, 22, and August 5 will be three of the shortest days ever recorded.

So if time feels broken—it is.

🌀 Welcome to the Millisecond Apocalypse.

🐝 Swarmageddon in Manhattan

A bee tornado hit Midtown NYC.

Real event. Not a band.

An NYU student called it “the actualization of my worst fear.”

We just call it Buzzageddon 2025.

🇮🇳 Modi Goes Full Super Saiyan on Diplomacy

India’s Prime Minister Narendra Modi just kicked off a five-nation tour in Africa, starting with Ghana.

Tech deals. Trade talks. Global flex.

Your move, UN.

☀️ Congress Just Solar-Slapped You

Surprise! U.S. lawmakers quietly killed the 30% residential solar tax credit.

If you bought rooftop panels… oof.

Solar’s still free. Everything else just got expensive.

🍗 Fried Chicken Toothpaste Is Now a Thing

KFC dropped fried-chicken-flavored toothpaste.

We wish we were kidding.

Brushing your teeth has never smelled more… crispy.

🔮 AI Coffee Fortunes Just Got Spicy

In Greece, a woman used AI-powered coffee-ground reading to expose her cheating husband.

Espresso yourself—but maybe don’t trust your mug.

🧍‍♂️ Charles Osborne: Hiccup King of the Apocalypse

Dude hiccuped non-stop for 68 years.

From 1922 to 1990.

Great Depression? Disco? Cold War?

All with a case of the chronic “hics.”

Legendary chaos energy.

🧨 CLOSING TRANSMISSION:

This was not headline news.

But it was weirder, louder, and definitely more caffeinated than your group chat.

We don’t report the news. We drag it outside, light it on fire, and dance around it in flannel.

🔥 Stay weird.

🎙️ Rock King Bobby D

🔻 Broadcasting live from the Overhyped Underworld