Things I Didn’t Say on Air
The Rock King Radio Show — cutting room floor, brought to you by Rockstar Relations shutting me down.

On the Axl Rose Hall of Fame no-show:
"Look, Axl didn't show up because showing up would have meant admitting he missed the other guys. And Axl Rose would rather be set on fire than admit he misses anyone. Respect."
Laura's note: "Bobby. No."

On why streaming algorithms get rock bands wrong:
"The algorithm is run by a guy in Palo Alto who thinks Nickelback and Tool are the same band because they both have one-syllable names and drop-D tuning."
Laura's note: "We have sponsors in Palo Alto."

On Ritchie Blackmore's classical training:
"So the guy's dad made him practice scales for HOURS and he grew up to weaponize the devil's interval against the Catholic Church. That's the best revenge arc in music history. Take notes, kids. Your piano lessons are a LOADED WEAPON."
Laura's note: "The phrase 'loaded weapon' cannot air during drive time."

On the Massachusetts emu story:
"Walter the emu should run for office. He's already got the incumbent's mindset — he's been caught doing the same thing three times and keeps getting sent back home with no consequences."
Laura's note: "We are NOT doing politics on a rock show."

On the Pink cover of White Rabbit:
"If you're mad that Pink covered White Rabbit, you're the same guy who got mad that Metallica played with an orchestra. Get over it. Grace Slick is 85 years old and she approves. What's your excuse?"
Laura's note: "The '85 years old' line is going to get us a cease and desist."

On Jack Casady being underrated:
"Most bass players in the Rock Hall got in riding somebody ELSE'S reputation. Jack Casady built Jefferson Airplane's low end with his bare hands and the Hall still acts like he's a footnote. That's a SCANDAL. Somebody call 60 Minutes."
Laura's note: "60 Minutes is not going to investigate bass players, Bobby."

Final one. Laura's favorite:
"You know what? I'll just say it. The Rock King is the best thing that's happened to rock radio in —"
Laura's note: "No. Absolutely not. Moving on."