CROWN N CHAOS – February 17, 2025

SPONSORED BY: Probably some corporate overlord, but hey, they pay the bills.

WAKE UP, ROCKERS. IT’S NOT REALLY WASHINGTON’S BIRTHDAY.

Yeah, it’s Presidents Day—but fun fact: This holiday never actually lands on a president’s real birthday. Originally, it was all about George Washington’s big day (Feb. 22), but in 1971, Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act (because, bureaucracy) and decided we all deserved more three-day weekends. So now, it just floats around aimlessly in February like a half-empty beer bottle at a tailgate party.

Win-win, though—Americans get a day off, and GW gets to claim an entire birthday week like some Instagram influencer.

MARKETS: YEAR-TO-DATE

(because even rockstars gotta keep an eye on the cash flow)

📈 Nasdaq: $20,026.77 (+3.71%)
📈 S&P: $6,114.63 (+3.96%)
📈 Dow: $44,546.08 (+4.71%)
📉 10-Year Treasury: 4.472% (-10.1 bps)
🚀 Bitcoin: $97,047.43 (+3.87%)
🔥 Meta: $736.67 (+25.82%)

Market Breakdown:
The stock market is taking a nap today for the federal holiday, so no panic-selling your crypto just yet. Meanwhile, Meta just pulled off a ridiculous 20-day winning streak—hasn’t seen a red day since, well... Biden was still president.

GEOPOLITICS: THE US WANTS UKRAINE’S MINERALS

(Spoiler: It’s not about “freedom”)

Last week, U.S. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent handed Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky a “friendly” little document that basically said, Hey, how about giving us half your mineral wealth in exchange for all that sweet financial support?

Zelensky, to his credit, did not sign it—probably because the deal read more like a 19th-century land grab than a modern partnership. But negotiations are still happening.

What’s the big deal? Ukraine is sitting on a goldmine of minerals needed for tech manufacturing—lithium, titanium, graphite, and other goodies that the U.S. would love to get its hands on. The real play here? Washington wants to break its reliance on China for these raw materials.

Still, some Ukrainian officials are calling the proposal “colonial,” which… yeah, kinda hard to argue with that take.

🔮 What’s next? Negotiations will keep rolling as U.S. and European leaders scramble to finalize some kind of war-ending deal while figuring out how to divvy up Ukraine’s resources without looking too shady.

WORLD: HEADLINES THAT MATTER (KIND OF)

🔥 Government Cost-Cutting: A Dumpster Fire in Progress
The Department of Health and Human Services is slashing headcount like it’s a Black Friday sale—700 people at the CDC just got the boot. Meanwhile, the National Nuclear Security Administration tried to fire a bunch of employees last week but quickly reversed course, because, ya know… nuclear security kinda matters?

🎬 Marvel Tries to Get Its Mojo Back
Captain America: Brave New World just dominated the box office, pulling in an estimated $192.4 million over the weekend. The superhero fatigue is real, but Disney decided to slow things down—this movie had a budget way lower than previous Marvel flicks, proving that maybe they’ve learned something. That said, CinemaScore hit ‘em with a B-minus, the lowest grade a Marvel movie has ever received. Ouch.

🎤 SNL Turns 50, Throws a Party for the Ages
Saturday Night Live hit the big 5-0 and celebrated with a three-hour special packed with alumni and A-listers. Highlights? Will Ferrell’s Robert Goulet, Meryl Streep finally making her SNL debut, and Paul McCartney closing out the night. Basically, everyone was there, except you.

CRYPTO: ANOTHER POLITICIAN, ANOTHER MEMECOIN SCANDAL

Argentina’s President Javier Milei is not having a great week. On Friday, he hyped up a crypto project ($LIBRA) as a boost for the economy—only for it to skyrocket to a $4.4 billion market cap and then crash 95% within hours.

Naturally, Milei deleted his tweet and claimed he totally wasn’t involved in the project. Now, some politicians are calling for an investigation, while others are whispering the I-word (impeachment).

THE WEEK AHEAD:

📢 Apple’s Got Something Cooking
Tim Cook teased a new product dropping Wednesday, but details are slim. Some say it’s a VR headset, others think it’s a smart ring. Either way, expect Twitter to melt down over it.

💰 Wall Street Awakens
Markets open back up tomorrow—will Meta keep winning, or is it time for a correction?

🏈 XFL & USFL Merger Becomes Official
Spring football fans, rejoice. The Rock’s attempt to make football a year-round sport is actually happening.

🎸 CHAOS PICK OF THE DAY: "Fortunate Son" – Creedence Clearwater Revival (1969)

Since today’s got a heavy dose of government moves, war ties, and corporate land grabs, let’s crank up Creedence Clearwater Revival’s "Fortunate Son."

This anti-war anthem slammed the idea that the rich and powerful never fight their own battles—they just send everyone else to do it. Given the U.S. trying to "secure" Ukraine’s mineral wealth while cutting jobs left and right at home, this one feels... timeless.

🔊 Blast it loud, because some things never change.

📖 WORD OF THE DAY: "Oligarchy"

(noun) – A form of power structure where a small group of elites control everything—government, corporations, resources—while the rest of us fight for scraps.

💀 Example in today's chaos:
When billionaires and politicians make decisions that screw over the working class while hoarding wealth, welcome to the Oligarchy Show™.

Shoutout to David for today’s word!

CHAOS STAT OF THE DAY

The Goodyear Blimp turns 100 this year! The iconic airship still floats high above major sporting events, refusing to be replaced by drones. Meanwhile, Google’s co-founder is trying to bring back passenger airships. Is this the return of sky travel, or just rich dudes playing with expensive balloons?

FINAL RIFF

If you made it this far, congratulations—you’ve survived another edition of Crown N Chaos. As always, you can support the madness by tuning into The Rock King Radio Show, following the chaos on TikTok, or just screaming into the void. Whatever works.

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Rock on, stay loud, and never trust a memecoin.

—Bobby D

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