Crown & Chaos

Chaos Markets, Penny Funerals, and Zoo Revenge

πŸ“Š MARKETS: YEAR-TO-DATE

πŸ“ˆ Nasdaq – $19,714.27 (+0.98%)
πŸ“ˆ S&P – $6,066.44 (+0.67%)
πŸ“ˆ Dow – $44,470.41 (+0.38%)
πŸ“‰ 10-Year – 4.493% (+1.0 bps) πŸͺ™ 
Bitcoin – $97,433.38 (+1.27%)
πŸ“ˆ US Steel – $38.70 (+4.79%)

Stock data as of market close. Because nothing says "rock n' roll" like watching numbers go up and down.

So, What's the Damage?

Unlike half of America nursing a Super Bowl hangover, the markets actually showed up to work yesterday. Tech stocks went full stadium encore, with Nvidia leading the mosh pit. Meanwhile, US Steel companies are headbanging their way to the bank thanks to Trump's latest "America First" world tour.

SHOW TIMES Don't miss Bobby D's live show where we dive deeper into these headlines and more. Catch us: The Rock King Power Lunch: Live on Twitch, TikTok, and Rock 105.7 every weekday at 11 AM CST The Rock King Radio Show: Tune in live on Twitch, TikTok, and Rock 105.7 every day at 6 PM CST

πŸ”₯ THIS WEEK IN CHAOS: THE GOOD STUFF

🐍 VALENTINE'S DAY GETS METAL AF 
Want revenge that doesn't end with you starring in a true crime doc? The zoos of America have got your back, and it's brutally beautiful.

For a few bucks, you can name a cockroach after your ex and watch it become lunch for some hungry zoo animals. The San Antonio Zoo's taking it to the next level – you can pick between a roach, rodent, or vegetable. Because nothing says "thanks for the trauma" like watching a snake devour a rat named after your ex.

Columbus Zoo's got a special too – $15 gets you a superworm named after that special someone who broke your heart. Talk about a metal way to process your feelings.

πŸ”¨ TRUMP'S TRADE WAR GOES TO 11 
Like a reunion tour nobody asked for, Trump just dropped his greatest hit: tariffs. On his way to the Super Bowl (because why not announce major economic policy from 30,000 feet?), he declared a 25% tariff on steel and aluminum imports.

The Damage:

  • Canada's about to feel it worse than a front-row headbanger

  • US metals companies are moshing their way to the bank

  • The EU's threatening to clap back harder than a double bass pedal

Meanwhile, Trump's threatening "reciprocal tariffs" on everyone. It's like starting a circle pit with the entire global economy.

πŸ’€ META'S GREAT PURGE 2.0 
Zuck just went full metal and axed 4,000 more employees faster than a speed metal guitar solo. Why? Because AI is the new rock star, and Meta's restructuring harder than a prog metal time signature.

The Tech Exodus Tour 2025 continues:

  • Workday dropped 1,750 people

  • Salesforce is doing their own cleanup

  • Google's offering exit packages like they're band merch

Meta's betting on AI like it's the next big headlining act, but will it be Metallica or Vanilla Ice? Time will tell.

PENNY'S LAST MOSH PIT Trump just killed the penny because apparently, it costs more to make than it's worth (like those $50 concert T-shirts). Each copper disc costs 3.7 cents to mint, making it the biggest money pit since Axl Rose's Chinese Democracy album.

The losers? Coinstar and some zinc manufacturer in Tennessee. The winners? Your pockets, which will finally be light enough to properly headbang.

🀘 CHAOS PICKS: THIS WEEK'S THROWBACK TRACK 

🎸 Song: "Man in the Box" – Alice in Chains πŸ“… Year: 1990 πŸ”₯ Why it still slaps: Because Layne Staley's voice could melt steel, and that talkbox guitar intro still makes you feel some type of way.

Want to see your favorite throwback track in Chaos Picks? Hit me up. πŸ“Œ

🀘 CHAOS WORD OF THE DAY πŸ’€ 
Word: Penny-geddon πŸ“– Definition: The moment when America finally admits that carrying around useless pieces of copper is less metal than a Nickelback cover band.

Shoutout to Wolf for today's submission! Got a word you think belongs in the Chaos Dictionary? πŸ“Œ Submit Yours

πŸ™ DO ME A SOLID? 
Want to help me out? Two clicks and you can continue doomscrolling.
😍 Love it! Can't wait for the next one.
πŸ‘ Pretty good, I find it useful.
πŸ€” It's okay, but could be better.
πŸ˜• Not really what I'm looking for (but why are you still reading, then?)
πŸ“Œ Vote Now

🀘 STAY LOUD, STAY CHAOTIC Alright, Chaos Armyβ€”go forth and cause some beautiful mayhem. Be the rockstar your mom pretends to be proud of.

Catch you in the next one.

  • Bobby D

P.S. Catch the chaos across all platforms - Rock King Bobby D is destroying algorithms on Pandora, Apple Music, Amazon Music, Spotify, Twitch, and TikTok. Miss out and you'll have less culture than someone who thinks Five Finger Death Punch is "too heavy."

Chaos Crew:
RK Bobby D,
ApocalypseChef from the kitchen,
Peggy from Hr,
Laura from Design,
Red from the Chatboards and
Ninja from Imaging.