Crown & Chaos

Because the world is on fire, and we brought marshmallows

Author

Rock King Bobby D
February 27, 2025

FEBRUARY 27, 2025.

☕ Morning Chaos: Happy Thursday, Chaos Army. Rearrange the letters in “Thursday,” and you get Drusthay—an ancient kitchen demon who survives solely on the crumbs you refuse to wipe off the stove. He thanks you for your service.

📉 MARKETS: WILD, BUT MOSTLY MEH

  • Nasdaq: 19,075.26 (+0.26%)

  • S&P 500: 5,956.06 (+0.01%)

  • Dow Jones: 43,433.12 (-0.43%)

  • Bitcoin: $84,526.33 (-4.84%)

  • Instacart: $42.80 (-12.26%)—Guess everyone’s finally figured out that going to the store is cheaper.

The S&P 500 finally snapped a four-day losing streak, but investors still spent the day doomscrolling, thanks to Trump’s 25% tariff threat on European imports and Nvidia’s earnings looming over Wall Street like a Metallica bass drop. Instacart had its worst day ever, probably because their delivery fees cost more than your actual groceries.

🤖 NVIDIA: STILL PRINTING MONEY

Nvidia just reminded us all that AI is here to stay and will probably steal your job before it lets you win a game of chess. The chip-making overlord reported:

  • $39.3 billion in revenue (+78% from last year)

  • Data center revenue doubled to $35.6 billion—because AI needs a lot of servers to figure out how to sell you slightly different versions of the same black hoodie.

  • Blackwell chips (aka AI cocaine) made up 28% of revenue, even with manufacturing hiccups.

Investors, however, were unimpressed. Nvidia stock wobbled like a drunk uncle at a wedding because they’ve gotten too used to mind-blowing earnings reports. Meanwhile, Chinese AI company DeepSeek is still out there lurking, waiting to pounce like a Bond villain.

🌎 TOUR DE HEADLINES: THE WORLD STILL SUCKS

  • Zelensky is heading to the U.S. to sign a deal giving America access to Ukraine’s mineral resources, but no actual security guarantees. So basically, Ukraine is getting the “we love you, bro” treatment while the U.S. pockets their lithium.

  • Texas is dealing with a measles outbreak that has now turned deadly. Pro tip: If you’re still debating vaccines in 2025, you might as well start drinking from the nearest pond.

  • Trump admin is gearing up to fire more federal employees. EPA cuts could hit 65%, because who really needs clean air and water? (Spoiler: All of us.)

👩‍⚖️ SUPREME COURT & REVERSE DISCRIMINATION: NOW WITH MORE LAWSUITS!

The Supreme Court actually agreed on something for once—shocking, we know. They’re hearing a case about a woman who says she lost out on a promotion because she’s straight. (Yes, really.)

The ruling won’t decide if she was actually discriminated against, but it could open the floodgates for more reverse discrimination lawsuits, much like the ruling that torpedoed affirmative action in college admissions. Buckle up—HR departments are about to get real busy.

💰 SHORT SELLERS VS. APPLOVIN: LET THE BLOODSPORT BEGIN

AppLovin (yes, that’s a real company) was the golden child of mobile advertising last year, but now short sellers are tearing it apart like a cheap guitar solo. They’re accusing the company of:

  1. Lying about its AI software (shock and awe!)

  2. Secretly auto-downloading apps on people’s phones (uh, illegal much?)

  3. Stealing data from Meta (honestly, who isn’t stealing from Meta at this point?)

AppLovin CEO Adam Foroughi called the allegations “false and misleading,” which is CEO code for “Oh crap, they caught us.” Investors weren’t convinced—the stock tanked 12%.

🎙️ YOUTUBE: THE NEW KING OF PODCASTS

Turns out, over 1 billion people watch podcasts on YouTube every month, making it the place for podcasters to pretend they’re not just talking to themselves in a room. Spotify and Apple Podcasts are lagging behind, probably because YouTube is actively throwing cash at creators to make video versions of their shows.

So if you’re listening to a podcast on just audio like some kind of caveman—congrats, you’re officially behind the times.

🎭 OTHER RANDOM CHAOS:

  • House Republicans passed a budget framework. But let’s be real, it’ll be rewritten a hundred times before anything actually happens.

  • Hamas and Israel swapped hostages for prisoners in their latest ceasefire deal. So that’s still a thing.

  • Amazon unveiled "Alexa+", because apparently, AI assistants now need subscription tiers.

  • Slack went down. Offices everywhere were forced to actually talk to each other. It was horrifying.

  • Michelle Trachtenberg (Harriet the Spy, Buffy) has passed away at 39. RIP to a childhood icon.

🔥 CHAOS PICKS: SONG OF THE DAY

Today’s pick: "Only" – Nine Inch Nails. Because sometimes you just need a reminder that you exist, and you’re not alone…unless you’re reading this at 3 a.m. in a dark room. Then, yeah, maybe you are alone.

That’s your daily dose of chaos, folks. Go forth, raise hell, and don’t let Drusthay steal your last slice of pizza.

A huge shoutout to our amazing Fans! Your support has been the rock we lean on .. Thank you for sticking with us, for following along this wild ride, and for letting us be a part of your lives. You're not just an audience; you're family. Here's to more chaos, more laughs, and more rocking times together.

Your Chaos King
Bobby D

SHARE THE CHAOS

  • Does your friend need a dose of chaos? Forward this newsletter to them and let them join the party!

  • If you received this from a friend, you can sign up for all the chaos here: