Crown and Chaos Vol. 11

🎸 Todays Power Cord

Merry Almost-New-Year's Eve, you filthy animals!

 🎄 Before you start wearing all those Rock N roll socks and regifting sweaters, let's talk about how we're going to rock this post-holiday world. Forget the sugar-coated Hallmark nonsense—this is the aftermath, the way it's meant to be: a glorious mess of leftover eggnog, questionable decisions, and enough caffeine to power Santa's sleigh through another year of misbehavior. But hey, it's rock ‘n’ roll, baby. Let's make this post-Christmas legendary... or at least incredibly memorable for all the wrong reasons.

🎸 Rockin’ Birthday Shoutouts for December 27! 🎉

Oh, yeah! It's time to party like a rockstar, because some of the most legendary musicians in history were born on this day! I mean, who needs cake and presents when you can have face-melting solos and ear-shattering drum fills? 🤟

🎂 Louis Johnson (1955): The funkmaster general of Brothers Johnson. This guy's bass lines were so sick, they'll make you wanna get up and dance like a dad at a wedding reception... or a chimpanzee on Red Bull. 🕺

🎂 David Knopfler (1952): The original guitar slinger for Dire Straits. He's like the cool uncle who taught you how to play "Stairway to Heaven" at the family reunion, but then he went off and started his own band and became a total rock god. I mean, who needs family when you can have groupies, right? 🤘

🎂 Martin Glover (1960): The bassist for Heaven 17, because who doesn't love a little new wave and synth-pop to spice up their day? It's like the musical equivalent of putting kale on your pizza – it's weird, but it kinda works. Just don't tell anyone you're eating kale, or you'll get kicked out of the rock club. 🍕

🎂 Danny Seraphine (1950): The drummer for Chicago, because someone's gotta keep the beat going while the rest of the band is off being fancy and playing their instruments like a bunch of show-offs. I mean, who needs a drum solo when you can just have a drum... and a solo... and a bunch of other stuff? 🥁

🎙️ In Memoriam 🎙️
And now, a moment of silence for the legends who would've been partying with us today, but are instead rocking out in the great beyond... or in hell, depending on how you look at it.

🔥 Harry Nilsson (1941): The singer-songwriter who was like the musical equivalent of a warm hug from your favorite aunt... if your favorite aunt was a chain-smoking, hard-drinking, musical genius. He's the reason why you're still singing "Everybody's Talkin'" in the shower, even though you have no idea what it's actually about. 🚿

🔥 Andy Summers (1942): The guitarist for The Police, because who doesn't love a good ol' fashioned reggae-infused punk rock jam session? It's like the musical equivalent of a spicy burrito – it's hot, it's messy, and it's totally worth it. Just don't eat the burrito while you're playing the guitar, or you'll end up like me: a mess. 🌯

So, there you have it – a birthday shoutout that's been certified 100% awesome by the Rock King himself. Now, go forth and rock out like it's your birthday (even if it's not, because, let's be real, every day is a birthday when you're a rockstar... or a merc with a mouth). 🎸🔥

P.S. If you're not rocking out right now, you're doing it wrong. Just saying. 😜

🎙️Music News

🎸 ROCK NEWS FOR DECEMBER 27TH: Because You Clearly Need More Chaos in Your Life 🤪

Oh, yeah! December 27th, a day that's like a Rock N Roll degenerate's dream come true. I mean, who needs sanity when you can have face-melting solos, ear-shattering drum fills, and a healthy dose of sarcasm? 🤟

🔥 1969: Led Zeppelin dropped their debut album on the UK, and the world was like, "What the heck just happened? Did someone just blow up the rulebook and replace it with a face-melting solo?" Yeah, that's right, folks. It's like they took all the awesomeness of rock music, put it in a blender, and hit puree. The result? A album that's still widely considered one of the greatest of all time. I mean, who needs a time machine when you can just listen to "Communication Breakdown" and be transported back to the good ol' days of big hair, big guitars, and even bigger egos? 🕰️

🔥 1975: The Allman Brothers Band performed at the Civic Center in Augusta, Georgia, and it was like a masterclass in Southern rock. I mean, who needs a recipe for face-melting solos when you can just add a dash of blues, a pinch of country, and a whole lot of "I don't care, I'm a rockstar"? It's like they say: "Ramblin' Man" indeed... more like "Ramblin' Man, I'm Gonna Play This Solo Till The Cows Come Home"! 🚂

🔥 1981: The Rolling Stones performed at the Kemper Arena in Kansas City, Missouri, and it was like a geriatric rock fest (just kidding, they're still cooler than you). I mean, who needs a fountain of youth when you can just keep on rocking like the Stones? It's like they say: "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need... and that's a face-full of rock 'n' roll, a broken hip, and a lifetime supply of reading glasses"! 🎸

🔥 2008: AC/DC's album "Black Ice" was certified 2x Platinum by the RIAA, because who doesn't love a little bit of hard rock to spice up their day? I mean, it's like they say: "You Shook Me All Night Long"... and then some... and then you had to go change your pants because you got a little too excited! 🤯

So, there you have it – rock news for December 27th that's been certified 100% awesome by yours truly. Now, go forth and rock out like it's your last day on earth (because, let's be real, every day is a gift when you're a rock fan... or a Rock King with a penchant for chaos).

🎄 TODAY'S IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION 🎄

Alright, time to put that brainpower to the test!
55% of people haven't done this in the last 3 years?

Check your answers 🔥😀
At the bottom of the newsletter!

Are we rocking your socks off, or are we about as exciting as watching paint dry? 😴 

Hit us with your honest feedback! 🤘 Click the link below to let us know what you think. It's faster than waiting for that pizza you ordered an hour ago, and definitely less greasy. 🍕 Click here to take the poll!

Your opinions matter—mostly because we know you’ll tell it like it is!

🔥Answer 😀
 📱 VOICEMAIL GREETINGS:

Oh, yeah! So, I just found out that a whopping 55% of people haven't changed their voicemail greeting in the last 3 years. I mean, what's next? Still using a flip phone and thinking Myspace is still a thing? 🤣

Let me get this straight: you've had the same voicemail greeting for 3 whole years? That's like, a lifetime in internet years. I've changed my underwear more times than that (okay, maybe not, but you get the point). It's like, come on people, update your greeting already! Do you know how embarrassing it is to have a voicemail that says "Hey, I'm not here right now, leave a message... and by the way, I'm still using the same greeting I had in 2020"? 📆

I mean, what's the holdup? Are you waiting for the voicemail greeting fairy to come and update it for you? Newsflash: that's not a thing. You've got to take matters into your own hands and change that greeting yourself. It's like, how hard can it be? You can do it in like, 2 seconds. "Hey, it's me, leave a message... oh, and by the way, I'm a functioning member of society with a voicemail greeting that's not older than my cat". 🐈

So, to all you 55%-ers out there, listen up: update your voicemail greeting already! Your friends, family, and probably even your cat are judging you. And if you don't, well, I'll just have to assume you're still using a beeper and thinking pagers are cool. 📣

P.S. If you're one of the 55%, don't worry, I won't judge you (much). But seriously, update your greeting. It's time to join the 21st century. 🚀